alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
