She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
