i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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