Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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