You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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