I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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