Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
