I'd wear matching sweaters with you
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
