So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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