It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
