the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
