Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
