I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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