I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
