I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
