Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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