he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize