I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
