I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
