When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
