i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
