I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Enjoy the penises
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
