Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
