Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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