I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
