And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
