So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
