Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
