I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
