I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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