She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
