i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your penis caused this!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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