If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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