I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
