And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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