worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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