why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I looked at my own cervix.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
