After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
3 2 1 whiskey
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
