im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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