I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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