the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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