Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it hurts more in the daytime
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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