The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize