He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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