Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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