The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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