You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
