i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
