Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize