New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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