where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She told me I should be a condom model.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i've created a new STD.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
