im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?