just come out here and I will go home with you...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????