Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?