Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.