My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
