My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
