need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
