i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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