Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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