stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
