Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
