I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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