I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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