nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
