I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
