Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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