If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
