If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
