Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
