Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
