Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
