Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ladies don't puke and tell
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
