I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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