I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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