I must be too annoying 4 u.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
