i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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