I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm bleeding and have questions
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
