My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
