Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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