Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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